Austin's Prayer

My blog posts are usually comical little clips out of our normal life.  Nothing to heavy, just "moments with my boys."  I have been thinking about this post for a few days, and I think I'll give it try, even though it is not typical clip from our lives.

The other Sunday we were talking about trusting God and trusting that the outcome of situations would turn out and be the way he wants them.

A situation came to mind.  When this friend and I had a chance to talk later that week I told her of this story.

 My sister asked me at some point if I had ever recorded it.  As I thought how to answer that, I had always thought that it was somewhat of a personal story to my heart, but I shared it when I thought it might encourage a friend.  The more I thought about it, the more I thought, "why not share it.  If it encourages someone-great.  But mostly, I want Austin to have access to this story."

I have been very open about Austin health when he was first born.  He was a very sick little boy!  The Doctor's could not figure out what was wrong with him.  They ran, what seemed to be, every test they could think of and found NOTHING!!  They were have phone conferences with the University Hospital (about 1 hour away--with a larger NICU), the pediatric group that was caring for Austin met over lunch (there are at least 10 Doctor's in this group)--their topic of discussion: Austin.  On his 6th day in the hospital nursery, I woke up--the nurses had not called me to come feed him.  So, I strolled down to the nursery to feed him.  One of my favorite nurses that took care of Austin stopped me when she saw me coming.  She said, "He stopped breathing, he turned blue.  I resuscitated him...."  She continued, but I don't think I heard much of what she had to say after that.  I talked to the Doctor, I do not remember much of what he had to say either.

I went back to my room and I sat on my bed thinking--since I clearly could do nothing for this situation.  I thought over my pregnancy.  I was determined that I was going to take care of my baby while pregnant.  Then I went on bed rest.  I was going to get through that, it was best for my baby.  As I sat on the bed in my room, knowing that my baby was having tests done, and I couldn't help in the least, it occurred to me that I can only do so much for my child.  I can eat nutritionally, and make healthy choices.  I can do bed rest, but in the end I should not have been relying on myself, I should have been relying more on God.

I'm realizing this while in my room down the hall from the nursery.  I sat there and prayed, "God, I should not rely on me to bring up this child.  He is more yours than he his mine.  If I only get him for a week, I will know that was in your will.  I will be sad, but you know best."

Shortly after that (the time frame gets fuzzy here), the Doctor came into my room he looked baffled.  He said, "I cannot explain it, Austin is doing better.  He going going against EVERYTHING that the texts books say he should be doing.  I don't know why..."

I thought to myself, "you don't have to tell me why, I know!"

That was my first lesson in parenting--My child has mine by genes, but truly I have been blessed to foster him.  He is by far, more God's than he will ever be mine.